Faith

As it seems we will always be "damned" to hell or so the "christians" claim. I hope in my life time I will see equality for LGBTs yet it might take longer. But my faith stands strong in knowing oneday we will be able to love openly and freely, that we too, will be able to marry the one we love. Websters definition of Faith is as follows: (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust
3: something that is believed especially with strong conviction
Unfortunantly "christians" do not believe that a homosexual can believe in God and have a relationship with Him, just as they do. Well Im the exception I know God, I believe in Him and He loves me as well as He made me. Its as simple as we want to be seen as equals in the eyes of people and the law. What amazes me the most is that its always "christians" that cast the first stone, and for me personally its very difficult not to stoop to their level. For we have all sinned at one point or another. The Bible is mans interpritation of the Lord. Times and things have changed since that time era. The definition read and interprited in biblical times may not mean the same as they did in those times. My view is God is Love. I love her as a man would love her if not better, this is not a lustful outlet for me. Im gonna do all that I personally can in my power to raise awareness and strive for equality......

Spiritual Guidance

As its been made clear my mother again has disowned me due to my sexuality. I went last week and gathered mt belogings with my daddy while my mother was working. Last night I pick up my Bible and in the front of it is a note "you need to call Sister Sandy you need spiritual guidance."(she was my preacher at the church I atttended in panama). I know it seems contirdictary to be "religious" and be a homosexual. I am very spirtual and full heartedly believe in Jesus Christ. I pray several times day, i prase and worship Him. He has gotten me through thus far, I should be dead or in prison if it were not through His grace and Glory. The victory is in His Name. Matthew 19:26 "with God all things are possible." Ive been told be friends,strangers,family ect that Im very spiritual. I have ALWAYS had FAITH in the Lord, it may have been shaken but I didnt loose it. I love the Lord and know He loves me. What bothers me and hurts is my mother saying I need "spiritual" help when in reality she needs it more than me. I will be fine with my FAITH in JESUS, He will change my mothers hardend heart if that is His will. His will be done not mine.

please read these are the people wanting to run our govt/nation

http://leftaction.com/action/gop-candidates-reject-bachmanns-ex-gay-therapy?tag=HRCad4b

http://leftaction.com/action/gop-candidates-reject-bachmanns-ex-gay-therapy?tag=HRCad4b

Momma

I went to my mothers house on monday to gather the remander of my belongings, while she wasnt there.  My mother has again diowned me due to my sexuality.  My father is standing by my side, he doesnt agree with it yet wont turn his back on me.  My brother feels the same way~unconditional love.  As I was unpacking today I found all types of birthday cards and little "nik naks" she would buy for me.  I completely lost it, crying uncontrolably.  People have asked "are you close with your mom?" and my response is "no." Then why does it hurt you so bad they say.... Because she is my mother regaurdless of how close our relationship is.  As human beings we somehow crave to be accepted not only by peers,strangers, but our familys as well.  I dont think my mother will ever accept me, perhaps on her death bed if evn then.  I cant articulate how I truly feel right now.  I feel like a huge hole is in my heart.  To know your mother dispises you is devistating.  She has told me she can forgive me for any and everything but being a lesbian.  She has said she wishes she never had me or had an abortion, that I make her sick and Im gonna burn in hell.... Im sorry momma this is who I am I did not ask for this and I do love you no matter what!

"Like Me"

Let me begin by apalogizing for my internet being down, I went through d.t.s from it lol.  I have finally purchased the book "Like Me" by Chely Wright, a country singer from the 90's.  Its her memior of coming out as a gay christian country singer.  I admire her so, as I was reading the book I couldnt help but cry and feel like the book was written about my life.  She is a powerful, intellagant, beautiful woman. God bless her for "coming out" and sharing her story. I would love to some how meet her one day, until then I will buy here books and support her "Like Me" organization.
On another note my mother has again disowned me due to my "lifestyle".  It does hurt but Im lering how to let go and let God.  If my mother where to come around it would be on her death bed if that.  But Im not so sure about that either though.  My daddys standing by my side as well as my lil brother.  Its a shame when you have to take 2 trustees from the co jail to help you get your belongings out of the house while "mother" is at work. JUst learning to numb my mother out, if shes outta sight hopefully she will be slighty outta mind.  I do love her still because shes my mother but thats it!